Angel of Patience
by LovingTheSilence33196
Summary: Death looked a me and said "Five days." and I knew what it meant. I began to plead for seven. GamTav short story.
1. Prologue

**This idea came to me and I decided I'd type it up, I am, however trying to work on CupCake Love, I just need my privacy(my family's always watching me...) I will upload the next chapter ASAP sorry. Please enjoy this one. **

**Warning: ...**

**DISCLAIMER: HOMESTUCK IS NOT MINE. **

_**Prologue:**_

I looked at the figure standing tall before me with fear. His black tattered cloak shadowed his body within and the long hood over his head covered the majority of his darkenned face. I looked down at my shoes, tears in my eyes and I sobbed. What about my dad?

"Please don't kill me." I said raising my head. The figure shifted impatiently to one side.

"Why shouldn't I? You don't think nineteen years of life is enough?" I shook my head. "Please...I don't wanna die yet...I still have to tell people a lot of things, and I wanna tell my dad I love him-"

"You had nineteen years to tell anyone _anything._ It's not my fault." I nodded sobbing. "Just give me a month please."

A rough laugh came from the figure. "Five days." My knees were shaking and I was wobbling uncontrollably. "S-seven days?"

"Five."

I shook my head pleading. "Seven please! You won't regret it! I promise! Please!" Death was silent, all I could hear were my sobs.

"Fine Makara. Seven days. Don't play with your life anymore." I nodded with a giant smile on my tear stained face. "Thank you!"


	2. Chapter 1: I'm sorry

**This idea came to me and I decided I'd type it up, I am, however trying to work on CupCake Love, I just need my privacy(my family's always watching me...) I will upload the next chapter ASAP sorry. Please enjoy this one. **

**Warning: ...**

**DISCLAIMER: HOMESTUCK IS NOT MINE. **

_**Chapter 1: I'm Sorry**_

I fell on my bed, burried my face into the covers, there I cried. About an hour actually passed before I lifted my head, sobbing lightly and looked at the time. It was almost four a.m. I didn't care though. I crawled over my bed and reached under my pillow and pulled out my phone. I dialed his number and he answered after a few rings.

_"H-hello?"_

"T-tav...are we...are we still going to the fair tomorrow?" He was silent on the other side and that made me worry.

_"Gamzee...I told you it was over. It's four am, please let me sleep." _

"Tav wait! Please, I'll make it up to you...just...spend this week with me and I swear...it'll be the last time you hear from me...okay?" I said trying not to sob. He groaned. _"Okay. When will you be here?"_ I smiled, tears already in my eyes. "At seven..." He agreed then said goodbye. I remained belly down on my bed staring at the black screen of my flip phone. I loved him so much, even though I had hurt him. He was my life.

* * *

I was shaking from where I was, seated behind the wheel of my banged up car. He was walking out of his house now, his mohawk was spiked to the left and stuck out like tiny blades. He had on my purple jacket I gave to him and some blue jeans with torn patches. I smiled but his face remained unturned. "Hey Tav...you're wearing my jacket." I said smiling. As soon as he got into the car he pulled it off and set it in the back seat. "I only wore it so that I'd remember to bring it back to you."

I turned back to the steering wheel not wanting to see the bruises on his arm I had caused. He cleared his throat but I didn't look at him, it felt weird looking at him seated in my car waiting for me to do something, like when we were still together. "Can we go now? I have to be back at ten." I started the engine and sped down the road. "Ten? You're nineteen and your dad still wants you back home before midnight?" Tavros was quiet, then he spoke in a cruel tone. "I want to be home at ten. Seven till ten, that's too many hours with you."

My heart sunk at hearing his tone, his words, his hate. I deserved it though, so I drove silently.

* * *

We were walking past a stand with giant stuffed animals hung from the top wood boards and glass bottles placed in a box. The man working the stand called us over and offered a deal, if I made the hoop on a bottle he'd give us two stuffed animals. I looked at Tavros smiling but he was looking elsewhere.

"Tav.." I nudged him softly and he looked up at me with annoyance on his face. "Think I can make it?"

Tavros rolled his eyes. The past years we came it had taken only one try to get the stuffed animals, he loved going to stands with me, but now he was only angry.

"Do whatever you want."

I frowned then turned to the man nodding. He handed me one single hoop, I looked down at Tavros. "Come on Tav.." I whispered leaning down. He frowned but leaned forward and gave my cheek a soft peck. I smiled then turned back. I lifted the hoop, picked a bottle, and then tossed it. Tavros wasn't surprised as we walked away with a Purple bear and an orange tiger. "Thanks Tav. You gave me luck." He burried his face in the giant orange tiger and let me lace my fingers with his. "I love you Tav." I whispered pulling him closer. He kept his face burried and gave me no reply.

"You hungry?" I asked pulling him out of the way of some cuddling couple. He raised his head and stared at me. "You're not gonna make me pay again-" "No Tav! I'll pay everything okay? I'm sorry." I cut him off. He looked away then back. "Yeah. Can we get some turky legs or something?" I nodded dragging him behind me.

He was silent while we ate, he barely looked up at me. He sat across from the table after he had placed the tiger beside me. I frowned, trying to make myself believe he did that because he didn't want to get the fur covered in grease. I cleared my throat and he looked up. "So uhm...why ...didn't you...cover those?" I asked. He frowns. "My long sleeves were in the washer along with my jackets, and I won't use yours anymore."

I looked down. "I'm sorry Tav...I'll never hurt you again. I promise."

"I'm not going back out with you Gamzee. I don't care if your sorry or not." Tavros growled. I looked up at him and furrowed my eye brows. "Tav, I ain't got time to go out with you all over again. In...just a few days...I'm gonna be gone Tav..." He stared confused. "You're...you're moving?" I was quiet. "Why..why are you telling me this now!?"

"Tav...calm down please...I just found out too." I whispered as I held my head. Tavros pulled my hands down and cupped them with his. "How long until you leave?" "...Seven days.." I whispered. He let go of my hands, stood up and rounded the table. He wrapped his arms around me and pushed my head against his chest. I began to sob, holding him tightly. "I'm sorry Tav..."


	3. Chapter 2: I lied,

**I'm glad you guys started reviewing so fast! xD I was impressed! Keep the reviews coming please, It'll let me know just how much you like my stories! :D**

**Warning: ...**

**DISCLAIMER: HOMESTUCK IS NOT MINE. **

_**Chapter 2:**_

_**Day 2**_

We were all inside, eating dinner around the table, laughing, hitting each other, getting hit and simply spending quality family time together. After I had dropped Tavros off I talked to my dad about inviting Kurloz, Rufioh, Tavros, and his dad over. He was against it at first until I finally got to him with so much pleading. I looked over at Tavros, smiled then reached under the table and reached for his hand. He pulled it away. He looked at me and frowned. "Just because you're moving it doesn't mean we can start over. You know what you did." "Moving?" Kurloz leaned over placing his chin on his hand. "Gamzee, you're moving?" I felt my face go pale. Everyone was watching me, making me shrink in my chair.

"About fucking time huh, Nitam?" My dad said and turned to Tavros' dad. The younger male shrugged, a soft smile on his lips. "Where are you going son?" My dad questioned me with doubt in his eyes. I shrunk even more in my seat and looked over at Tavros. He had been staring at me with a baffled expression.

"Gamzee...I thought you said your dad was being forced to move away?" I looked down at the plate of food. I could've sworn those potatoes were almost as smashed as my happiness. When I looked up both Tavros and my dad glaring at me.

"What're you trying to say? I'm too poor to pay my rent? I did something to get us kicked out?" My dad said tapping his fingertips against the wood of the table. "What's your point Gamzee?" I looked over at Tavros who had spit that sentence out like poisen. Kurloz slammed his hand down, his palm smacking flat against the surface, causing a loud sound.

"Don't pick on my cousin. He probably got his story mixed up. It could happen to anyone. Stop making him feel so bad." I looked at the fourteen year old smiling ear to ear then down at his hand as it covered mine.

"Gamzee has a reason behind every thing he does, right Gamzee?" I was quiet before I shrugged softly. "I'll be in my room. Good night." I mutter standing from my seat.

"Gamzee, come on, don't be like that, you know we love you, it's okay!" Kurloz pleaded leaning across the table to grab my arm. I moved away and dodged his feeble attempt. "Gamzee, go ahead and sit down, I'm sure your father didn't mean to upset you like he did." Mr. Nitram said with a smile, he pointed at my chair. I shook my head kindly and climbed the stairs to my room.

* * *

"Gamzee..." I looked up from my covers towards my door. He knocked softly against the white paint on my bedroom door. I sat up slowly, wiped my tears then stood and walked to the door. When I opened it he fell into my arms. His hand was raised as if he were about to knock. "Gamzee...I'm sorry.." Tavros whispers pushing away. I shrugged, moved aside, let him in then shut my door, locking it from habit.

"I uhm...had a great time today...reminds me just how sweet you are..." Tavros whispered loud enough for me to hear. I turned red, he looked up then back down at his scarf he was fumbling with. "Gamzee...if you weren't going to move away...why'd you say that?" I looked down at my shoes in thought of some excuse, I knew he wouldn't believe me if I told him the truth.

"I just want us...to think of this week as our last...what would you do with me if this was our last?" I asked. He patted the mattress beside him and I sat down immediately. Unexpectedly his hands were on both my cheeks, his finger tips hiding inside my curly, poofy hair and his slightly long nails tickling the back of my ears. He leaned closer, our noses touching. "I'd wanna kiss you...but...in a meaningful manner." My chest tightened. He leaned in and kissed my lips gingerly. I reached up slowly and placed my hands over his. He leaned back as I did so and closed his eyes.

"I'd...I'd want to tell you I love you so much, with every inch of my beating heart every chance I'd get of those seven last days." He leaned forward and kissed down the trail of the tear that had slipped my eye unknowingly. "Then...then tell me Tav.." I pressed my forehead against his and closed my eyes. "Tell me Tav...every single day. I'll show you every day okay?" He wrapped his arms around my shoulders pressed his lips to my forehead. "I'm sorry Gamzee." He whispered. I leaned back reluctantly and gripped his shoulder.

"Tav..you don't have anything to be sorry about. It's all my fault. I should've loved you more. I should've told you every day, showed you every day, I should've meant it every day Tav...I never meant to hurt you like I did babe."

Tavros stood. He let my hand slip from his and he stared down at me with tearful eyes. "I don't wanna see you cry Tav...please...please don't cry." I begged. He took a step back as I stood, tears began to fall and he covered his mouth.

"I'll see you in eight days." He cried. My shoulders sagged. "Tav-" "Good night Gamzee." He cut me off and hurried out of my room.


	4. Chapter 3: I promise

**This stuff was written from the memory of how my dad acted with me...uhm..it was...uncomfortable to write it ...but...I smiled through the whole thing. Thank you guys for your great reviews, I love them, the favs and alerts. Thank you guys. :3  
**

**Warning: ...**

**DISCLAIMER: HOMESTUCK IS NOT MINE. **

_**Chapter 3: I promise**_

_**Day 3**_

I lifted my head and looked at my door where my dad was standing. He smiled and walked over to me. I was embraced in his arms and rocked back and forth. I clutched his shirt and inhaled his scent. I was going to miss him. He pulled back and stared at me. "You smell like crap." He said with a serious look on his face. I smiled, tilted my head and shrugged.

"Yet you still came in and hugged me man." I said warmly. He chuckled and ruffled my hair until I slapped his hands away laughing. "Dad, cut it out! I'm nineteen!"

"And? You're still living in my house. When you turn thirty I'll move you to my basement." He laughed, I grew serious and looked down at my lap. I wasn't gonna make it to thirty.

"By that time...you'll be too old. You're already named _oldman, _you'll be named _Skelly_ by that time." I chuckled. He threw his arms around my shoulders and pressed me to his chest like when I was younger.

"What do I do about you? You ornery, obnoxious, stinky brat. Get out of my house!" My dad chuckled and ruffled my hair even more. Eventually that lead to us wrestling and we both fell from my bed. When he complained about his hip I lifted off of him and jumped to my feet. I outstretched my hand to help him up but he shook his head. He had a smile on his lips and his eyes were half lidded as if he were remembering. He chuckled as he patted the side of my calf. "You were a migit as a kid. Cute and short." He snickered as I blushed then used the door frame to rise to his feet. "This old man doesn't need any help from a nineteen year old moocher." He began then pointed at the stairs. "Now help me to the kitchen Ronald Mcdonald."

"Dad, I told you not to call me that." I laughed wrapping my arm around his waist.

* * *

My dad and I were the only ones awake that morning. We sat at the dinning table eating French toast and drinking from our Christmas mugs. I took a while, gazing into the swirls of my orange juice before I finally looked up at my dad with a warm smile. He eyed me then sighed heavily.

"For all the years I've known you I still can't figure out what goes on in your head. I'm no psychic but this time I'd like to know son." He says gently. My gaze fell to his hand and it followed the limb to his mug.

"I just don't know dad. There's something...so horribly bad...that's gonna happen and I can't tell anyone about it." I whispered, he leaned forward to hear me better. A smile covered his lips and he reached over the table and ruffled my hair.

"Son, I wanna know what's bothering you. If it really is _so horribly ba__d _then I think you should tell me about it. Don't you?"

I looked down at my toast. My throat was tight and my tongue dry. "Dad...I'm gonna die." When I looked back up at him his smile had shrunk, but he still held it there.

"You know Gamzee, every one has to die at some point. If your day is coming soon I suggest you spend the most time you can with the people you care about. I'm curious though, why do you say so? I wouldn't recommend doing anything irrational." His voice was firm and warm. His fingers slid over the surface of the soft chocolate table and laced with mine.

"Nevermind dad. You wouldn't believe me."

"Gamzee. I have always trusted your word. You just have a way of saying things that make people think otherwise. I'm your father Gamzee. I actually take the time to think about what you say and comprehend. Like those monsters at your school, they were the kids that were bulling you. So, I want you to tell me what brought such a thought to you."

I stared at him silently then opened my mouth. I croaked slightly as I pushed the words out. "I uhm...I got into an accident...and...I wasn't supposed to make it out alive." I looked up at my dad momentarily. He looked worried and tired, fresh tears pricking his eyes. The few white strands of his grayish black hair were shining against the bright light from over our heads. His face was wrinkled, and his chin covered in a grayish white stubble. He must've been worried about himself dying before me. "I uhm...was visited by death...this sounds so stupid dad." I stopped covering my face in my palms.

"Gamzee," He stood and trotted over to me. He stood behind and laid his hands on my back. I relaxed as he rubbed slowly at my shoulder blades then slid his hands to my shoulders and squeezed them. "promise me you'll be a good kid." He rested his head on my back and wrapped his arms around my waist.

"I promise old man."

"heheeheeeheee."

* * *

**I think my writing has improved. Please comment if you like it. Thanks guys for your reviews and favs, follows and alerts. Also, sorry for the delays, my bro took the computers back to his place and the Christmas break still isn't over. xC**


	5. Chapter 4: I'll make it up

**Warning: ...**

**DISCLAIMER: HOMESTUCK IS NOT MINE. **

_**Chapter 4: I'll make it up  
**_

_**Day 4  
**_

I was in my purple hoody that Tavros had returned to me a couple days ago. I had on my grayish black pants and purple high tops. When I reached Tavros' door I put out my cigarette and rung the door bell. A few minutes later Mr. Nitram answered the door. I asked if I could talk to Tavros but he shook his head. "Says he doesn't want to talk to you. He's upset about something. Is there anything I should know?"

I shake my head slowly, "Mr. Nitram, can I please go see him, I won't take long I promise." He looked at me as he contemplated it. He looked angrier than I'd ever seen and his grip on the door kept tightening and loosening. I looked at my converse as his eyes scanned over me.

"Fine." He said as he moved to one side and let me pass. I smiled and thanked him. I hurried up the stairs and through the hallway until I came across his door. I knocked slowly and waited for the other to open up. After a few minutes the door was opened and Tavros appeared. His hair was messy and he was in an over large long sleeved t shirt(most likely his dads) and thick Peter Pan pajama pants. He rubbed his eyes then groggily looked up at me.

"Gamzee...what're you doing here? It's 6 in the morning." Tavros said tiredly after a long yawn. I nodded reluctantly.

"I know Tav. I was thinking maybe you'd like to hang out er something?" I suggested, smiling wide. After a bit of silence I tapped his shoulder and he stirred. "Huh?" He croaked tiredly. I sighed.

"Let's go get something to eat bro. It'll be good for you." I said as I pushed past him into his bedroom and walked over to his closet. He had a couple shirts and pants but barely any jackets, or well, just one, but it had holes and looked a little to small to fit even his petite frame. I yanked both a short sleeve and a long sleeve off the hangers then some cargo pants and walked over to Tavros who was sitting on the edge of his bed with his head hung.

"Tavros. Come on. Wake up." I whispered nudging him gently. His hands grabbed mine and he glared up at me with exhausted eyes.

"Gamzee. I went to sleep late last night." He groaned then let my hands go. I sat down beside him and looked at him.

"Why? What happened?" I asked worriedly. He shrugged. "I was on Tumblr looking at stuff..." He replied in a barely audible tone. I shrugged, "That's your fault then. Come on. You'll feel better once we get some breakfast in ya."

* * *

Instead of leaving right away we laid down on his bed and napped the rest of the morning. I had to wait until he was asleep to wrap my arms around him, but in the end I did. Every now and then I dreamed of speaking with death, the memory happening all over again, but every time I fell back a sleep he cut down my days until finally I just laid there and stared at Tavros' sleeping face. I was afraid that if I fell back asleep I'd lose that last day and maybe I'd never wake up again? I kept my mind, eyes and heart fixed on Tavros. I didn't want to die yet, of course not, I could get Tavros back if I had more days in my hands. If I had years left I could stay with him. We could die together. What if I was imortal? People say they don't want to be imortal because it'd be lonely. To lose Tavros. I'd be heart broken. If we were both imortal, I think that'd be better. Then I'd never have to lose him. What if, even with both of us being imortal, he didn't love me? I was scaring myself with these thoughts. I held Tavros tighter, kissed his forehead then unwrapped my arms from him and sat up. I looked at his alarm clock and yawned.

"Tavros, it's eleven fifty three, come on, get up."

This time Tavros rose with more ease. He looked at me and this time smiled. I could see the words on his lips. _I missed you, _but he didn't say them. Instead he blushed from the thought of saying them and looked down. I watched him silently and waited for him to do something. Finally he did. He stretched and yawned then looked at me.

"Can you get out so I can change?" He mumbled rubbing one eye. I nodded and stepped out, slid down the wall out side and sit in the hallway. I brang my knees to my chest and rested my chin on one of them. A few minutes after the door opened and Tavros stuck his head out.

"You can come back in now." I nodded and followed him in. "So...where're we going?" He asked grabbing his converse from under the bed.

"Wanna go to Dennys' or Ihop-"

"How about Mcdonalds?" I shrugged as I sat beside him. "I want some nuggets, and well, Mcdonalds nuggets...you know."

"Yeah I know." I said smiling. He looked up at me then smiled. "Well, you ready?" He nods and we head out.

* * *

After ordering a 20 peice and a couple cheese burgers we sat down in the childrens area next to the indoor playground. Tavros had a barbaque package opened and ready to be used when I sat forward and slid it over to me. He looked up at me, his half smile fading.

"Gamzee?" I smiled took one of his nuggets, dipped it then tossed it into my mouth.

"There, I just wanted one." I said handing the dip back to him. He smiled then dipped his own nugget and turned to the playground. He eyed it dreamily and it seemed to me as if he wanted to be a kid again so he could climb through out it. "Tavbabe, you wanna play in the playground?"

"What!? That's absurd, of course not. I'm nineteen Gamzee." He argued grabbing another nugget. I shrugged. "Can you go get us something to drink?" He asked, I nodded and made my way to the front.

When I was coming back with an Orange flavored pop I could see Tavros staring at the playground again. I finally sat down across from him and demanded he tell me what happened.

"When I was younger, my dad had to move us into these apartments back by the woods. They had this playground, a huge _childs' dream_ playground. I never got to use it though, I was always busy with school work because my dad wanted me to have a good education and stuff...I didn't really go outside other than for school and with dad, but the playground was right outside so I could see it from my window. There were always a ton of kids playing on it and some times I'd sit at my window and imagine I was playing with them. I don't know, it sounds ridiculous now but...I mean, I was a kid, and a kid should always have a chance to play right? I don't blame my dad though, I love him and care for him, he's the one that got me here anyways." Tavros finished with a shrug then looked back up at the playground. I watched him for a moment then looked back around. There weren't really any customers and no children in the playground.

"Come on Tav." I said grabbing him by the wrist and leading him to the playground, he protested the entire short walk to the playground but I managed to take off our shoes and soon enough we were climbing around inside. "I could've sworn this place was bigger Tavros!" I said laughing, he mad a sound of disapointment and tried to escape. "Tavros come on, we're only nineteen, here that? The _teen_ at the end. We have a right."

"Gamzee, this is childs play...uh...what if some one sees, it's ridiculous." I shrugged and pushed him into a tight crawling space. He crawled over the plastic rocks until he was finally able to sit up, then he waited for me to get beside him and he pulled my ear angrily. "This is embaracing."

"But it's fun, you know it is." I smiled and he frown even more. "It is." He growled then crawled into the next section of plasctic rocks. I followed happily, joking with him about falling and breaking my neck.

* * *

Finally an employee came back and scolded us for playing in the childs area, that our weight could break it and we were kicked out, but it was fine, Tavros laughed and thanked me. It was perfect.


	6. Chapter 5: To you

**The poem is "Shattered Dreams, Shattered Heart" by Alison Drew. It's only half, I hope you guys like this chapter. **

**DISCLAIMER: HOMESTUCK IS NOT MINE. **

_**Chapter 5: To You**_

_**Day 5**_

I woke up early in the morning, brushed my hair, contemplated getting out of my cup cake pjs, but decided I was too comfortable, then sat back on my bed and zoned out. Would Tavros be annoyed if I called him again and asked him to come over? I really hoped he wouldn't be, I wanted to give him everything I owned. I laid back on my bed and gazed at the ceiling over head. After a while I decided that I would get everything to him even if he liked it or not. I stood from my bed and rolled up my sleeves.

"Dad, I need a box!" I called out to my dad, he questioned me but finally brought me one. I opened it and set it on my bed then turned to my desk that was pushed against the wall. On its' surface was my laptop, a couple empty, halfway full and un openned Faygo bottles beside it, and my twisted, rainbow horns that littered both my desk and floor. I walked over to it and carefully placed my laptop at the bottom in one of the corners, then I pushed all the horns from the desk into it. I turned to my bed, which had three stuffed animals on it. A chocolate cow with the word _Yum _on its' stomach, a purple goat and a peanut butter sandwich. I sighed. Would Tavros get mad at me if I gave them back to him? Of course he would get over it after I died. Another sigh.

"My days are long, my nights are cold," I began quietly, "Without you here for me to hold." My heart suddenly felt heavy, Tavros was the only one in my mind. "The moment we kissed, I knew it was right, to love you and want you with all my might. The hopes that we shared, the dreams that we dreamt, then you turned around and said nothing was meant." I paused, remembering the next line of the poem."The memories we've got, the joy and the pain, are finished forgotten, you won't try again. You said that you care, that's not long enough." I paused, my mind faultering. I inhaled deeply then said the last line I could remember, "So you just up and leave...the man..that I love."

I couldn't remember the rest of the poem, so I just gave it up. I ran a hand through my hair, sighing heavily as I did so. I grabbed the box and turned it over, watching silently as everything fell onto my bed. "I can't give him this useless shit." I turned the box over again and set my laptop back inside, then grabbed the three stuffed animals and placed them on the surface of the laptop. I walked over to my closet and dug out a couple of shirts. There was an Indigo one with orange zigzags across the front. Because of the dark color behind it, the orange was a light shade of peanutt butter. There was also a black shirt with the words _I love paraplegics, _I had bought the shirt five years ago to support Tavros. That was before I paid my _some what_ friend Equius, to build Tavros prosthetic legs. The last shirt was a black one with a pb and j sandwich on it.

As I walked across my bedroom towards the closet again, my phone rang. I shuffled around the room for a while, throwing things around in search of the cellphone. Finally I found it by one of the legs of my bed. By this time the person calling had hung up and called again.

"Hello?" I answered lazily.

"Hey, I uhm...I'm coming over." I could feel a smile carving into my face. "Yeah, okay Tav, see you in a bit." I replied then hung up. I continued to grab my valuable things and put them away in the box. A while later there was a knocking on my door.

"Hey, what are you doing?" Tavros asks walking in. I smiled unsure of what to say then turned back to my box. As I continued to pack he came up from behind me and slid his arms under mine, placing his hands on my chest. He burried his face into my back, a wave of heat came over me and I couldn't help but smile. After a few minutes he pulled away and smiled. There was a resplendent pink blush in his pudgy cheeks, he was ravishing.

"Is this all you're doing today?" Tavros asked cocking his head to one side and looking at the box behind me. I shrugged again. He raised an eyebrow when he spotted something inside of the box. "Gamzee, is that the cow I gave you?"

"Uh, yeah," I began. I took a quick second to think of something then continued, "I'm putting all of _our_ important stuff away in this box so there'll be less a chance of losing it." It seemed to work. His expression changed from anger to shock, then he slowly smiled.

"Oh...sorry, for jumping to conclusions." He apologized holding a hand behind his head, his eye to the ground.

"It's fine bro. I understand you'd get mad." I said smiling. Once seeing my smile he lightenned up. He stepped over to me, took my cheeks into his hands and pulled my face down to his. Our lips didn't touch though. Our foreheads did. I opened my eyes a second after to see why. His eyes were closed and his lips were curved into a smile. His face was flushed. "Tav..." I whispered questionabley. His eyes flickered open and his eyes fell on my lips. Then he leaned forward and our lips met. I closed my eyes again, tightly this time, and held my breath because I would have surely pulled away to laugh in joy.

* * *

**I put a lot of pbnj stuff in this chapter to show how much they love eachother. I imagine that Gamzee likes how Tav looks in light brown, orange colors so he gets a lot of stuff in that color for him, and his favorite color is purple.. I like to think that some where in their relationship they named themselves Pbnj cus their colors so that's where the peanutt butter stuff comes in...**

**...**

**Read and Reaview! **

**: 3**


	7. Chapter 6: Before

**I worked really hard on this chapter, also, there is a chance of an eigth chapter, just so you guys know! Please Read and Review! :) Thank you all so much! :))))**

**Warning: Adult content**

**DISCLAIMER: HOMESTUCK IS NOT MINE. **

_**Chapter 6: Before**_

_**Day 6**_

I was nervous, once he had pulled away and smiled again, I didn't know what to say, and I was trembling. I smiled kindly, and he chuckled, "Your face is red." He told me and I felt even more heat in my cheeks. "Gamzee, let's hang out today okay?" He suggested running a hand through my hair. I hesitated then nodded. He sat on my bed looking through the box as I changed. When I was done I grabbed my car keys and stood infront of him, ready to go. He looked up, grinned, then through a shirt at me. It fell from my face to my hands and I turned it over to read the front. _I love paraplegics. _I looked up at him with an eyebrow raised.

"If you wear that shirt with me people will be like _paraplegic? where's the paraplegic?_ It'll be hilarious!" Tavros insisted, another one of his admirable smiles, this time he flashed his teeth.

"Some of 'em fuckers won't even know what a paraplegic is! I didn't know what the motherfuck that meant till you told me." I said peeling off my shirt either way. I toss the shirt I had on before on the bed, then my eyes met Tavs' and we stared at each other for a while. His smile increased and I blushed.

"You've been working out Gamzee." Tavros said poking my stomach. His face was pink, probably more than mine, he had a thing for blushing. I stepped back, a small smile over my lips then pulled the shirt over head. Tavros stood, wrapped his fingers around the end of the shirt and slid it over my stomach. He tugged it down one last time, then looked up at me, his smile remained. He rose on the balls of his feet and pressed his lips against mine.

* * *

We were inside _La Mansion_, a pretty good Mexican restaurant. We were seated at the far back waiting for our orders, grabbing one of the chips from the basket and dipping it in the salsa every now and then. There was a silence I didn't like at all so I spoke up. "Remember when we did everything possible in one day, and we still had a whole ton of time left over?" Tavros looked up at me smiling.

"Yeah, we'd come up with the strangest conversations. Heheh, like when we bursted into song! It was a Korean song, and we didn't even know if we were pernouncing it right!" Tavros says followed by a muffled laugh. I nodded, joining in on the laughter. I tucked my hand under my chin and grinned.

"Then when the song was over we started talking about pies outta nowhere!"I said chuckling. Tavros giggled, grabbed a chip then dipped it. "Then that lead to Faygo, then making out, kittens, dogs and other stuff that's not appropiate for public areas!" I finished. He blushed, a smile tugging at his lips. He nodded and looked off to one side. I began to worry, maybe I had gone too far by including the last part.

"Hey Gamzee," Tavros began. He turned his head and looked at me. I cocked my head and raised an eyebrow, "Yeah?", "Remember when I would steal your nose?" A grin appeared on his face and I blushed.

"Yeah bro. When I was high you'd do it all the time, freak me out and make me almost cry." I whispered ashamed. He giggled again and placed his chin on the back of his hand, leaning closer to me. "I'll still your nose again Gamzee!"

"Ah, bro, come on! Don't make me get my fighting out and about!" I said leaning back and putting up my fists. He chuckled and leaned back aswell. He stared at me for a while and eventually I brought my hands back down to my lap.

"Remember when we would wrestle at your place and I'd either get a ton of bruises, or you'd hit some part of your head on the coffee table in your living room? When that happened your dad would bring the ice and complain about blood on the carpet or broken glass. heheh, those were the days huh?" He looked down at his hands for a while then, withut lifting his head, his eyes met mine. He looked innocent, scared, and embaraced and he was extremely adorable. "We could..uh...have those days again Gamzee...I mean, how hard can it be to uh...get over this crack?" He suggested.

I honestly, whole heaterdly would've wanted nothing more than to lean over the table and kiss him at the moment, tell him I loved him and that getting back together with him was all I ever wanted, but I couldn't. I only had 7 days to live and I was already down to my last days. I shook my head slowly, lowering my gaze to the table.

"I don't think...that would be such..a good idea bro." I whispered.

"B-but Gamzee...these past few days, you've been sweet, and you've cheered me up. Everything that happened that night, I forgive you Gamzee. I think we have a chance." Tavros insisted. I could hear the strain in his voice.

"No. I...I don't want to hurt you Tav. I love you babe...I'm afraid of getting messed up on drugs again and...not being able to control myself." I argued. He began spitting out sentence after sentence, not giving me a chance to reply when he said something that shook me.

"If you want to, you can beat me up god, just, stop rejecting me. I love you Gamzee. I'm sorry for breaking it off with you-"

"Don't ever say that again." I interupted. He looked up at me. His hazel eyes gleamed beneath his tears. At the sight my heart sunk. "I..I don't want to hurt you Tav. I don't know what came over me. When you enjoy the stuff we do, then I enjoy it too Tav. There's no way around that. I want you to be happy and if you have to tell yourself to get beaten up by me to be happy, I just won't do it." When I finished I covered my mouth to muffle my sobs. I frowned angrily because of my tears, I felt stupid.

"I...I'm sorry Gamzee. I should stop being so pushy." He paused, "I should understand that you're doing this for me.." It sounded like more of a question then a statement. "I'm sorry."

I would've turned to him and scolded him for apologizing, seeing how it was my fault, but I couldn't. I had hid my face behind my hand as I cried. I couldn't bring myself to face him in this condition.

The waiter brought us our food, though he had stood to one side for a moment and wondered why we were both sobbing so pathetically then set the trays down and left. We had lost our appatite so I invited him to watch a movie with me at the drive in. He agreed with a tiny smile.

"Tav...I'm sorry, for ...doing this to you." I apologized trully then stood, paid the bill and lead Tavros out of the restaurant.

* * *

_I hit my palm against the microwave again, and again, spitting out some hateful words this time. The microwave dinged five times and the inner light turned off. I slammed open the small door and took out my hot pocket. The ends of it were burnt but the mid section was still cold from the freezer. I slammed it against the wall yelling something I didn't even understand then spun around to the microwave. I was hungry, and the fucking microwave wasn't working right. The fucking hot pocket, why did I even throw it? I picked it off the ground, cheese and ham oozing out of it. I turned it over in my hands and glared at it. There's fucking dirt and grime on this shit. I won't eat it. I told Tavros to just make me one. Why didn't he make me one. Why the hell isn't he in here? Where is he?_

_"Gamzee, are you okay?"_

_I spun around and glared at Tavros. If he would've just made me a fucking hot pocket before going off to do what ever the hell it is he did, this wouldn't be happening. I wouldn't be so angry. This is his fucking fault._

_"I-I told you. Son of- damn it." I couldn't even speak. There was so much rage in my chest. My head hurt. I had a lot of adrenaline. Why is Tavros just standing there? Why isn't he fixing what the fuck he did? _

_"Gamzee, maybe you should sit down-"_

_"Shut the fuck up!" I screamed throwing the hot pocket down. It split into messy, cheesy peices upon hitting the floor. Tavros stared at it, and he didn't look back up. I could tell he was scared. I could fucking tell cus he's always scared. He's insecure and stupid. He's pathetic. He pisses me off and he knows it. He does it on purpose. I never even complain about his shit. He doesn't give a damn about how fucking annoyed I get when he walks around acting insecure and stupid. _

_"Gamzee, just sit down..."_

_"Why don't you just shut the fuck up Tavros!?" I screamed stepping forward. He flinched back. Like I knew he would. "You stupid son of a bitch. See what you caused? Now I'm all up and pissed off cus you wanted to do some retarded shit before helping me out." I screamed stomping over to him. He retreated until finally his back was against the wall. His head was still down and he was shrinking every time I spoke. _

_"Gamzee...what are you talking about? You offered to heat them up."_

_I did? I did. But why would he take my fucking offer? He knows I can't work this stupid shit. Was he trying to piss me off? Was this what he wanted?_

_"What do you want?"_

_"h-huh?"_

_"WHAT DO YOU WANT MOTHERFUCKER?" _

_I yelled slamming my fist against his chest. He screams in pain then goes quiet. What now? What does he want now? _

_"You lil' son of a bitch. What the motherfuck. Do you. WANT?" I growled. By now my hands were on his shoulders, slowly sliding around his neck._

_"I want you to calm down Gamzee."_

_He screamed this time, pushing me back by my chest. I slipped on the cheese and fell to the ground. He hurried over to me to see if I was okay. But of course I'm not fucking okay. I slammed my hands against him as soon as he grabbed my shirt. He fell back against the counters and cried out in pain. I rose onto my knees and locked a hand into his hair, slamming him face first onto the ground. He turned over on his back but as soon as he did I clutched the collar of his shirt and began punching him square in the face. He returned the hits however he could, though they were weaker, but I didn't stop. Then there was some one else yelling and I was tackled off of Tavros. As soon as I fell back I grabbed the other persons shirt and punched them. _

_"Rufioh!" _

_Tavros screamed jumping to his knees. He pulled his little brother away from me and they were out of the house in a sec. I was still on my back. My head was pounding and everything around me was colorful and it was spinning. _

_I laid there for an hour or so until I began coming off of my high. I slowly realized what I had done, and how stupid I had acted. _

_I stood, walked into my bedroom and grabbed my pills. I dumped a handful into my palm and threw them into my mouth. Then I fell to the floor, my body was in even more pain and my head was ready to explode. Then everything went black._

* * *

It was about to be ten by the time we arrived at the drive in. Tavros was seated beside me with the collar of his jeans jacket up and hugging his neck. The movie was fifteen minutes in already but we didn't mind, we just sat back and watched. After a while I decided I should probably get something for Tavros to drink, so I opened my car door and stuck a foot out, before I could stand Tavros grabbed my arm and my attention.

"Where you going?" He asked. I shrugged, "Gonna go get us something to drink." I answered pointing back behind us. Tavros shook his head. I waited for him to say something but he never did. Instead he simply sat there staring at me. Eventually his hand went up to the back of my neck and he drew me in for a kiss. I didn't oblge, it felt good kissing him after such a long while.

He pulled back and cleared his throat. "S-sorry." He muttered. I blushed.

"It's fine, actually-" I paused knowing I shouldn't say that I've been wanting to kiss him. He stares at me, waiting for me to finish, so when he realizes I won't he leans over and pulls the car door to shut. I pull my leg back in and the door clicks behind me. "I uh, maybe some popcorn?" I suggested. The look on his face was clear, and the sweat on the back of my neck told me what was going on. He ignored my suggestion and pulled me into a heated kiss by the hair just above my ears. I groaned as he yanked on the bundles of black and strands were plucked. Before I knew it I was crawling over to his seat, still kissing him while I did so.

Tavros moved his hands to the hem of my shirt and yanked it up, I had to pull away from the kiss so that he could rip it off. He smiled at me, for a second, then pulled me back into another heavily heated kiss. His hands were over my chest, his fingers ghosting over my collar bones, down my pecks and over my ribs until they wrapped around my sides.

I reached around one side of the chair and found a level, I pulled it and the chair immediately fell back. Tavros was startled, and his eyes were wide and gleeming under the light that peeked in through the tinted windows. I chuckled. "Sorry." I whispered as I leaned down towards him.

"Our pants." He suggested, I nodded, not really caring about our pants, only wanting to kiss him over and over again. I went back to kissing his lips, then his cheek, jawline, and neck. He moaned softly, rolling his head to the side to give more passage. I breathed in his scent, smiling and closing my eyes. He smelt sweet, like some kind of candy bar, maybe kitkat or reeses peices? "Gamzee, are you just going to lay there?" He asked sliding a hand through my fluffy black hair.

"No, sorry, just admiring you babe." I answered sitting up. Again he smiled at me from below. I couldn't, and didn't want to imagine Tavros crying over my death. Tomorrow, if he woke up and I was no longer there for him, I'd want him to remember every time we smiled together. I growled lowly as my eyes began to swell with tears.

"Gamzee, what's going on with you? You're zoning out a lot." Tavros said waving a hand before my face. I blinked repeatedly then smiled. "Sorry, babe."

I unbuttoned his jeans and slid them down, eyeing his slim hips, smooth legs and his hidden erection. Then I continued with my own. He seemed to be growing a bit impatient, so I hurried on with our boxers. When we were both stark naked I leaned down and began kissing his face again. He grumbled but kissed me back. "I love you Tav, and I wanna take my time with you okay?" I answered to his gruumbles. He blushed, ashamed of his on growing temper and nodded. "Okay, I'm sorry." He answered back.

After a while more of kissing and making out, he pushed me back, a soft smile on his face. "If you're not gonna do it anytime soon, I might as well." He said slipping a finger into his mouth. He sucked on it a bit then retracted it. He spread his legs and moved his hand between them, never once breaking eye contact with me. He missed his entrance a few times, and I grinned at his clumsiness.

"You're cute Tav." I said leaning down and kissing his chest. My eyes were still locked on his, and after a while his rolled up to the top of the car and he laid his head back. He rolled his hips and moaned softly. I decided it was about time, so I removed his hand lifted his hips to mine. I pushed in slowly, making sure not to hurt him. He pushed down on me, taking in the head, then the remaining length. I leaned down, over him, so I could here the quiet sounds he didn't want me to hear.

"Does it feel god Tav?" I asked next to his ear. He turned his head to face me and nodded. I smiled and pulled back until only the head remained then pushed back in, harder this time, rocking him back. A moan rolled of his tongue, and as we began a rhythm I could catch his throaty moans. He tilted his head back, chanting my name like I was some type of god, I loved it, the way his back arched, I could never forget some thing so great.

"G-Gamzee, it's hot." He groaned. I could see the sweat covering his neck and dampening his hair. I pulled him against my chest and switched our position. It was hard, moving around in such a tight, small place, espeially when he began to ride me. I laid back on the passangers seat and grabbed him by his hips. He rose from me, pulling it almost out then slammed down on it, I guided him with his hips as he continued, making sure to hit his sweet spot as I did so. He tilted his head back gasped as he came. I continued to thrust until I finally reached my climax, releasing into the hot passage. He leaned back, one hand on the window, the other on the steering wheel, I tilted my head back and gazed out through one of the back seat windows at the night sky.

"Gamzee," Tavros called. I lifted my head immediately and looked at him with a lazy smile on my face. "Yeah?" I asked. He was quiet, staring out the window, then he looked down at me and shook his head never mind. I knew it was going to be something about getting back together, and I didn't want to touch that topic again, so I didn't urge him on.

We gathered our clothing, got dressed then headed home. When I dropped him off at his house he gave me a peck on the cheek then got out of the car and left. I stared after him, afraid of what could possibly happen tomorrow, or well, what would happen tomorrow.


	8. Chapter7: I Die

**This is-the last-chapter. I am now, officially, upset. I'm sorry guys. I hope you all like it.**

**Warning: CHARACTER DEATH**

**DISCLAIMER: HOMESTUCK IS NOT MINE. **

_**Chapter 7: I Die**_

* * *

I woke up that day, chills rushing throughout my body and my heart pounding. I whispered to myself, _I'm alive. I'm alive._ I swung my feet over the edge of my bed and froze. There was something different. I stood, but my knees were weak and my legs wobbled. I began to cough and these stings of pain around my heart began, they were faded though, so it didn't really frighten me. I was still able to move, so I put on some jeans, a black t-shirt and a grey hoodie. I grabbed my phone and called Tavros. He didn't answer though, he must've still been asleep.

"Dad." I called out. I heard shuffling down stairs then footsteps leading to my door way. My door creaked open and my dads smiling face popped in. I smiled and walked over to him. "Hey, dad, I love you." I said hugging him. He hugged me then coughed.

"Did something die on you? You reek of death?" He joked. I faked a smile. "I'll go take a shower." I said grabbing a towel, then froze. "Dad, I need you to do me a favor."

"What do you need?" He asked. We began to understand each other, if not on the same level. He fixed me with a firm glance, he knew something serious was going on.

"Can you take the box that's under my bed to Tavros and tell him I want him to keep it?" I said walking down the hallway toward the bathroom. "And uhm...can you tell him..." I looked over my shoulder at my dad. His arms were crossed over his chest and he was leaing against the door frame. I cleared my throat. "Tell him..I love him." I expected him to be surprised by this, or angry, or something, but he only nodded. He turned and went to my bedroom. I sighed then continued into the bathroom.

* * *

**Gamzees'**** dad **

I came home sortly after taking the box to Tavros, of course, Tavros came with me to see Gamzee. However, when we entered, there was a strange feeling. When I left the house, Gamzee was in the shower, and an hour and a half later, he was still inside. That wasn't like Gamzee. Tavros followed me through the hallway until reaching the bathroom. I openned the door, and froze. The shower curtain had been yanked from its' place and the metal pole that held it up was now halfway across the tile floor. Gamzee was halfway over the side of the tub, the shower water still spraying down over him.

Tavros pushed past me, but stopped two steps into the bathroom. He bolted to Gamzee's side and lifted him into his arms. While he was trying to get Gamzee to react, I pulled out my phone and called for help. I could feel my stomach twisting and churning in disgust, my heart swelling with so many emotions at once, all the emotional chaos caused tears to stream down my face, and when Tavros saw this he began to panic even more.

* * *

**Tavros**

He was in my arms, still soaked in warm water, so his body remained a decently warm temperature, but that didn't calm me. I called out to him, _Gamzee it's me, Tavros, wake up please. Gamzee, everything's gonna be okay, please Gamzee, open your eyes, _But he didn't react. He remained limp in my arms. His dad was in the hallway calling an ambulance, his voice sounded apathetic, and that made my heart pound harder.

"Gamzee." I whispered with a shaky voice. For a second it looked as if he had shifted in my arms, but then I realized that I had started crying, and my shaking body had moved him. I looked back up and I saw his dad standing in the door way, he looked too calm, but there were tears in his eyes. I turned back to Gamzee and craddled his head against my chest.

Soon a man and women pulled me away from him and began checking him for a pulse. I realized as I walked backwards away from the scene that they were paramedics and they were here to save Gamzee. My heart lifted and I stayed in the door way with my hands before my mouth as I chanted Gamzee's name. His dad placed his hand on my shoulder and walked me into the living room where a police officer was waiting to speak to us.

Gamzee's dad spoke first, I sat on the couch behind them with my head in my hands. Only yesterday Gamzee had been talking to me, he was fine. He was completely healthy, and happy, and loving. "No, no, no, no..." I mumbled to myself. "This can't be happening." I continued.

I heard footsteps from behind and I turned to look. I froze at the sight. The two paramedics were carrying Gamzee away on a stretcher and there was a white sheet drapped over him. Only, that Gamzee wasn't Gamzee Makara. _My _Gamzee Makara wasn't dead. He was playing a prank of course, hiding some where.

His dad screamed something and I jumped, being brought of my shock. I watched from the couch as his dad chased after the paramedics calling out Gamzee's name.

"This can't be happening." I mumbled again as I looked away from the front door.

* * *

**Day of the Funeral.**

**Tavros**

The metal bar was slippery against my hands, but I refused to let it fall, even if the coffin was heavy, and knowing what was laid out on the inside hurt me, I refused to let it fall. My dad was infront of my, Gamzee's dad on the other side just across from my dad and Kurloz across from me. There were two other guys helping, Gamzee's bestfriend Karkat, and Karkat's friend Sollux.

When we reached the location we carefully placed the coffin down and stepped back. I looked up at my dad who was staring straight back at me, and I suppose he had been for a while. He smiled ran a hand through my hair. I caught his hand and pulled it away from my hair, instead wrapping my arms around him and ducking my face against his chest and crying.

He patted my back, rubbed it, he did his best to comfort me, but I couldn't cheer up. Gamzee's dad stepped forward and placed a rose on his sons coffin, he cleared his throat as if he was gonna say a long speech, but then he couldn't do it. He placed both hands on the coffin, sobbed a little then said _I love you Gamzee._ He stepped back and Kurloz greeted him with a hug. Karkat went next, placing his rose down and frowning.

"Gamzee, you're..you're my bestbro...I love you man." He confessed then walked back over to Sollux. Kurloz took his turn. When he reached the coffin he collapsed beside it and began crying.

"You said- you said when summer came, and I was on Summer break- you would take me camping. Gamzee- don't go please." Kurloz cried hugging the coffin. walked over to him, pulled him back onto his feet then lead him back to where they had been standing.

"Tavros," My dad called my name and all my attention went to him. "Your turn." He said softly. I nodded then turned to look at the coffin. I tried not to imagine that Gamzee was laying inside, without any life, so that I wouldn't cry, but it happened anyways. I walked over, a hand whiping away my tears, then I knelt down beside the coffin and spoke loud enough for only Gamzee to hear my voice.

"I forgive you Gamzee. I love you, and I - and I wish this hadn't happened. Thank you for loving me Gamzee." I stopped and whiped my eyes again. "You always made me feel like everything would be alright, because you're the true love of my life." I finished. An image of Gamzee smiling came to mind, and I suddenly felt calmer, but not happy. I don't think I could ever be as happy as Gamzee made me, never again.

I stood up, gazed at the rose in my hands, then placed it on Gamzee's coffin. _I love you._

* * *

_**"You always made me feel like everything would be alright, because you're the true love of my life."**_** I got that line from _Make Love by BigBang._ That song guys. -_-**


End file.
